At long last

Today I ended a relationship that I have been in since I was in college.

This relationship began during my freshman year. I was wary at first because of the reputation my acquaintance carried, but I knew if I kept things under control I would be fine. We continued casually through my college years, and it wasn't until I moved to Europe that our relationship truly began to deepen. When I was lonely we found ways to make things better. When I was happy we celebrated together. When I needed to move on, the bus or train ticket was always there. It allowed me to see and do things I could never have done on my own, and the longer I was gone, the more my need for this relationship grew.

What I didn't know, though, was that the hand opening doors and nudging me forward was also the hand that would never be satisfied with what I gave in return. Whenever I made a mistake it was held against me and cost me dearly. When I finally came home, because of the level to which our relationship had grown, I was very restricted. I could no longer do as I pleased. Instead of freedom, I now had a burden. As I lost interest, they gained interest. This continued on through my first year as a flight attendant, and I knew something had to change.

Over the next two years I began putting distance between us. I started to play by my rules and found that when I was consistent, and persistent, my life improved. I wanted to end it sooner, but knew there were things I had to do to be able to stand on my own. At 5:15 this morning, after a lot of hard work and giving up things I loved and wanted, it is finally over.

My credit card debt is now $0.

I can't say I feel relieved, because I still find it hard to believe it's really over. My debt has been a controlling factor in my life for years and years now, so I think it will only really sink in when I start to see my freedom again.

I will always be appreciative of this relationship, because without it I would've never lived in Europe. I would still be hoping and dreaming of the day when I could afford to move, travel, and be free. I still have a relationship with one of his relatives (the car loan guys), but it is much healthier. I'm also glad to know how much I've grown in my relationship with my money over the last few years because of this. I've learned how important it is for me to keep my end of the deal - on time. I've learned how important it is to know the rules and to play by them. I've learned to stand up for myself when I'm being mistreated.

It's been a long, tiring road, and I'm thankful for those who have encouraged me when working two jobs was miserable. I'm thankful that the Lord honored my desire to be out of debt, and made a way for me to accomplish it. I'm thankful to be free.