from the hills of TN

I'm in Dayton with Joy experiencing for a brief moment what life in a college dorm is like. I'm in a cave underneath three lofted beds. A blanket with a Don Quixote print lines the ceiling of the cave. The walls are papered with newspaper. There are more photos in this room than I've seen in a long time. The colors and pictures seem like they should cause sensory overload, but somehow they don't. It gives a very pleasant, homey feel. I can't imagine sharing a room with two girls. I can't imagine sharing a bathroom with 50 or 60 girls. In some ways I feel like I missed out on a lot not living in a dorm when I was in college. In some ways I'm glad I didn't. The situation here is appealing in that Joy and her roommates are very good friends. They share things and help each other. This would really suck if you didn't like your roommates though. You can't get away from them.

Elisa has been taking good care of me today. She painted my finger and toe nails earlier, and has been fetching me ice to try to keep my foot from swelling. Yesterday we went to Pocket - a place I've heard of for years, but never visited myself. We had to walk about 20 minutes up a trail, along a big creek. Then we climbed down the bank and sat on a huge rock in the creek for a while. It was really beautiful up there. I can imagine that it's really nice when it's warm and you can swim in the water. Instead it was cold and we entertained ourselves by knocking the icicles off the rock faces we passed.

Last night we did two things that made me laugh because of how terrible they were. First we went to a student's senior recital type thing. It was called her cabaret and involved singing and dancing. I was amused that at a Christian college her songs were about drinking, smoking, drug use, cheating, murder... just to name a few. The dancing was alright, but the singing not so much. I feel kind of mean for disliking it so much, but I can't help it. We left at the intermission because Joy was peeling her fingernails to distract from the pain.

The next plan for the evening was to go to a dance party. This seems like fun; I really enjoy dancing with Michal and Joy (even though I can't really dance right now). We spent forever getting ready as girls tend to do. They put on their heels and bright make up, and I tried to pretend I wouldn't be the oldest person by 6 years. When we finally showed up to these people's house (an hour late) there were five people there. One girl was wearing a red polyester jumpsuit with a belt. Another showed up in a blue wig, spiderman house shoes, and all manner of ridiculousness in between. We were offered tea, coffee, or life water! I've been to a lot of parties, and never in my life have I been to one where they didn't even have a soda. The music finally started (after we dragged half the party away from the video games) and it was all kind of music I can't even describe except to say that I might have enjoyed it if I were on some really strong drugs. One guy was jumping around with feathers in his hair, paint on his face, and later we discovered - paint on his chest. Joy finally got control of the music and started playing some hip hop and it got better for about 10 minutes. Then I decided it wasn't worth losing sleep for and we went home.

Michal and I are getting ready to drive back to Atlanta now.

I'm working on a dream

It's a beautiful day outside and I'm downstairs camped out in my cave. I'm very tired. I'm always tired these days. I don't think I realize how much energy one's body uses healing itself. I get out of breath walking up stairs. I sleep for 12 hours, wake up for 12, then sleep 12 more. I think I believed that once I could dress normal I should be able to act normal and have been wearing myself out trying.

I got my foot unwrapped on Wednesday. It looks funny and gross. It's really skinny, and I have to wear this sock thing that squeezes it and makes it look even skinnier. The skin looks really, really tan, but in reality just has two weeks worth of dead skin built up on it. I know it's gross. I'm the one that has to live with it. It's also still bruised and a little swollen. I've had more pain in the last few days than in the last two weeks. I can shower, which is great, but the water falling on my skin hurts. I should also mention that I'm a big baby and have been feeling very sorry for myself lately.

I had to wait until today to drive, but I did earlier and it was trauma-free. I bought a pair of men's house shoes on sale at TJMaxx for $3 so I wear one when I drive. It's the cherry on top of the extreme sexiness I have going on lately.

I'm going to a Valentine's Day banquet with my mama tonight that benefits a place that provides adult day care of Alzheimer's patients. I'm supposed to be taking a nap so I can save up the energy to drive to Newnan and back.

There was a plane crash last night and everyone died. It's always a huge reality check and very sobering when something like this happens. I don't worry that it will happen to me or anyone I know, but it does remind me of the brevity of life. My heart breaks for the loved ones of those who died.

I'm going to try to sleep so I can be in a better frame of mind for the rest of the day.

Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays

Two more days and my life with be much closer to normal. I'll be able to shower without worrying about getting my foot wet, and I'll be able to drive. Not being able to shower is more of a nuisance. I can't get ready in a hurry, and I don't feel completely clean after taking a bath. Not being able to drive is terrible though. This weekend I was fortunate enough to have a Patricia Drive friend, Chasity, come in town, be my chauffeur, and keep me company. My parents and Jonathan have also been very nice about taking me places, but it's still hard to go back to being dependent on other people to go anywhere. It's not like I can walk anywhere either. So I'm looking forward to Wednesday and hoping I get the all clear to drive.

At my doctor appointment last week I was amused to see my new foot. I've always had skinny feet, but having the joints on either side of my foot straightened up has taken my feet to a new level of skinny. It felt like I was looking at someone else's foot - except my second toe is still ridiculously long. He said everything is healing well. I saw the xrays and locations of the pins. It's all very fascinating.

I've been looking at graduate programs around Atlanta. Georgia State has a communications program with an emphasis in mass communication. Not sure if this is what I want. I'm not sure what I want period. I need to go ahead and sign up for the GRE and start studying for that.

Something I've been thinking about and haven't been able to figure out - I don't know what to do when I feel that people I love are unhappy and I can't do anything to help. We all have friends and family who have problems - money problems, relationship problems, personal problems - that only they can do anything about. Or maybe they can't even do anything about them. How am I supposed to live and act knowing they aren't happy, and I can't do anything about it? I wish I could fix things. I wish I could make someone never be lonely or never have to worry about money. But obviously I can't. So what am I supposed to do?

It's a beautiful day outside. I love winter in Georgia because of days like this. I'll be going back home today, and I'm looking forward to getting a little bit of normal back. I sure do miss my mama's cooking when I go home though.

regaining mobility one crutch at a time

I'm amazing myself tonight. It's past 9pm and I'm sitting up and awake. When J left I was actually standing up and could hug him properly. Last night I was passed out at 7:45 whether I liked it or not. The night before I slept through the entire Super Bowl party I went to, and then came home and slept all night. I'm also proud of myself because I've managed to take a bath every day since Sunday. It isn't easy with the whole bag and tape wrapped leg hanging out the edge, but having dirty hair is worse so I suffer through it.

Every day since Sunday I've left the house at least once, and it's getting easier each day. When we went out Sunday I almost threw up from motion sickness, and then slept the whole time I was out. Yesterday J decided to torture me by taking me to a shoe store. Later we met up with TanJoe for supper, and I barely remember any of it. It took all my energy just to get the food from the plate into my mouth. Conversation wasn't even an option. Tanya did bring me the second crutch which has made a huge difference. Today we saw "The Tale of Despereaux" for fifty cents each at the theater in Fayetteville. Then we stopped at Starbucks for some coffee (maybe the reason I'm still awake).

It's funny the way people feel so free to talk to you when you have crutches and/or a boot on your foot. Nearly every store I've been in someone has started telling me about their foot surgeries, broken ankles, hammer toes, broken shins, months on crutches - and I haven't even been a gimp for a week. In Starbucks today a lady sitting across from me told me she had had two surgeries on her foot. She named the doctor that did her surgery. He isn't mine, but he is the partner of mine. She sat there for a while knitting across from J and me. Then she told me I had the cutest hair cut. As she got up to leave she came over and said I had a contagious smile and asked J if he was going to marry me and that he should cause I was so pretty. I think she must've known that the sweatpants and mismatched shoes were getting to me and I needed a little pick me up. We made sure to remind her that looks weren't everything and that he might marry me if I can stay clean for more than a month or two. Oh, and if we can get that whole homicide charge cleared away.

People are so much fun.

After that it was off to the grocery store where I was advised by the cashier that I needed to come up with a better story (surgery is evidently quite dull). By then I could feel my toes trying to swell out of their stupid wrappings and came home to some good, home cooked food.

What a busy day... :-D

Staring at the ceiling

I'm lying on the couch listening to davefm with my pops. He's babysitting me this morning. I'm getting tired of lying down all the time. I got up earlier and sat in a chair at the table but it made me so tired and kind of light headed. I've backed off on the ice today and am sticking with keeping my foot elevated. I can actually feel my foot now. Sometimes I'd rather not.

There are probably very few things more boring than a play by play of how my foot is doing, but there really isn't much going on in my life at this point. The highlight of my day so far was Peter's 25 Things list on facebook. Started my day off with a laugh.

I had a weird dream last night. I was with a bunch of fancy people and we might have been doing a movie. Not sure. I knew the outcome - something was going to explode - and even though I wasn't going to be hurt by it somehow I still didn't want to do it so I made myself wake up. I feel like absinthe was involved, but am not sure how. I'm sure it's the drugs that makes me dream such things.

I really want to take a shower/bath, but I have to save up more energy for it. Charity and Tanya came over yesterday and brought lots of books, movies, and goodies. I'm trying to figure out how much my mind can handle right now. Or maybe I'll just go back to sleep for a while. It's kind of amusing that I have to plan my day around a bath and a Super Bowl party. I can't bathe too late or I won't have any energy for the party. If I bathe too early I'll get bead head again from lying around half the day. What a dilemma.

This is enough pointless drivel for now.