polyester pants time

Yes, I have to work tonight. I'm actually glad cause I need a diversion. I need to be somewhere but here and don't have money to go out. Today has been just jolly good fun (yes, that is sarcasm). I spent most of the afternoon compiling songs for a cd, the sole purpose of which will be to depress me even more. Yay! I woke up at 10am (after lying awake til 3am) and saw that I had 7 missed calls. 3 of which were from work. I missed a call which is the biggest no-no ever. You get in trouble when you're unavailable on reserve. I had called scheduling last night to talk about a trip I wanted next week and had a nice conversation with the night guy. He is the one that called me this morning and I'm wondering if he did me a huge favor and didn't mark me unavailable. I was in a huge panic and called my mom back crying, cause she had left messages wondering what was up (their number is scheduling's alternate contact for me). Then I called sched and they said there was nothing on the schedule which would be nothing short of a miracle, a gift from God. I had a feeling then that today wasn't going to be good. I worked out with J. The workout was good but that was it. From all outward appearances, he seems completely fine and my heart is broken. It's my fault so I shouldn't complain but I still hurt. We walked for a while outside and it felt amazing. The sun was bright and warm and the wind was strong and cool. We found a neighborhood that's being built with amazing houses. We walked, he talked, I listened. Came home and laid in the bathtub and tried to relax. Now I have to fly to Florence, SC for the night. Have the 6am flight back in the morning which means we'll leave for the airport from the hotel at 5 probably so I'll get up at 415 or 430. Woo hoo! I guess it's better than sitting at home being sad. Talked to my sweet adopted little sister. Ended up dumping even though I wasn't intending to but she's good like that. My real little sister is trying to go out of town so we're playing phone tag to organize it but now I don't know what's going on.

As I was lying in the bathtub today thinking I realized I was a bit confused about this whole emo thing. Either I don't understand what it is or it's just stupid. It just seems to me that it's people who like to be sad, or at least seem sad, all the time. Who would want to be that way??? I don't understand it.

Anyway, I need to don the rest of my glorious uniform, pack my pjs, do my makeup and get to work. These are some good times. Prayers are appreciated.